There are times in our lives when what we want to do (our desires; godly ones at that) conflicts with the direction that we KNOW God has given to us. You are not alone. I will introduce you to a man that has been there and done that; Paul, The Apostle. You see, you are already in good company.
A little brief about him. He was a man that you knew where he stood. When he was persecuting the church, he did an excellent job. When the tides turned, the world has not recovered from what he did. He speaks succinctly about himself in Acts Chapter 22.
1 Men, brethren, and fathers, hear ye my defence which I make now unto you.
2 (And when they heard that he spake in the Hebrew tongue to them, they kept the more silence: and he saith,)
3 I am verily a man which am a Jew, born in Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, yet brought up in this city at the feet of Gamaliel, and taught according to the perfect manner of the law of the fathers, and was zealous toward God, as ye all are this day.
Just in case you think he was joking he adds some more knowledge of his pedigree in Philippians 3:5–7
5 Circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, an Hebrew of the Hebrews; as touching the law, a Pharisee;
6 Concerning zeal, persecuting the church; touching the righteousness which is in the law, blameless. What else do you want to know about this man? He was a Jewish Jew.
He went on to say this in Romans 10: 1–2
1 Brethren, my heart’s desire and prayer to God for Israel is, that they might be saved.
2 For I bear them record that they have a zeal of God, but not according to knowledge
Though Paul was given the gospel to the Gentiles, yet his heart of hearts was with the Jews. He wanted to preach there. He wanted them to know more about this God via Jesus Christ. He heart yearned and longed for them, but yet, he knew he was not sent there.
I will give you a reverse example. Let me put it in a way many of us might understand especially those in business/career circles. You love a particular business/career because of whatsoever reasons (location, profitability, pay, prestige, etc.) but you know you are not cut out for that business/career.
Paul went ahead to talk about his calling in life in Galatians 2:7–9
8 For God, who was at work in Peter as an apostle to the circumcised, was also at work in me as an apostle to the Gentiles.
Paul went on to do that which God called him to … preach to the Gentiles. Preach he preached. In sinking boats, in times of personal famine, in sickness, in perils, in chains … in whatsoever condition that he found himself.
He could relay the message better to them who were not of the Jewish stock. And that is why his messages resonate with many who were not trained in the Jewish ways.
He would have preferred to preach to his kinsmen but that was not his assignment. His assignment was to reach out to a set of people he may not be so familiar with.
Does this sound familiar?
Follow God and then leave the outcome to HIM. Selah.