A person who lacks self-esteem very easily feels like an imposter, while a person with a high self-esteem talks to himself positively, tells the truth, forgives himself and others. Further questions to determine one’s level of self-esteem are examined.
- When you are dealing with a problem in your life what do you do?
- Blame everyone or anything that you think caused the situation. It’s rarely your fault.
- You complain and give full vent to your frustrations but rarely address your responsibility to the issue.
- Address the situation at hand and take full responsibility for it.
COMMENTS: The quality of your well-being is directly proportional to how much self-responsibility you are willing to take. When we blame others or outside events for our position or condition in life, we lock ourselves into a prison of pain. We deny ourselves the opportunity for growth. It leaves us with a victim mentality. There is true freedom in taking responsibility for how we respond to what happens to us in life.
2. If my wants and needs are different from those of others, I am likely to …
- Give up and give in. I would accommodate.
- It will either be my way or no other.
- Try to avoid the people concerned altogether. Why bother trying to get my needs on the table? My needs and not important, and neither are theirs.
- Create a win/win situation.
COMMENTS: your wants, needs and self-worth are as important as those of anyone else. However, this does not mean that others will automatically line up with them stop if you silence your voice, others will not know what you want or need. Let your voice be heard and learn how to assert yourself respectfully. This is more of an art.
3. When you think about the greater purpose of your life, what do you tend to think?
- You have a sense of drifting. Embarrassing as it may seem, you have probably not been able to articulate what your life stands for.
- You have a general picture of what you want to do and what you are creating for your life but have never really come around to starting out yet.
- You are convinced you were on course with your life purpose and capable of reaching your goals.
COMMENTS: Have you ever wondered why you showed up in life? If so you are in good company. This may be one of the most important questions you would have ever asked yourself. Your purpose is about what you plan to achieve and the kind of person you expect to be. Your character and habits will lead you to be healthier, happier and more successful. Your life has the potential to be so much more than you might imagine. The most important thing is that your life has meaning to you.
4. When you make a commitment to yourself, how do you fare in keeping with it?
- Break it before the end of the hour. You are terrible at fulling up on your self-goals.
- You set goals with hesitation and fear because you so desperately hate to disappoint yourself at the end of the day.
- Stick to it with conviction and await the rewards that you believe will come from it.
COMMENTS: If you have ever heard the phrase, your word is your bond, you will understand why honouring commitments is an aspect of healthy self-esteem. A commitment is a pledge, and a pledge is a guarantee. When you make a commitment to yourself or others, you’re putting your integrity on the line. As you learn to demonstrate that you can be counted on to do what you say, you build credibility at the same time. That way, you and others will know that you walk the talk.
5. When you talk to yourself, what does it sound like?
- Very critical and negative. You often put yourself down and beat yourself up emotionally.
- Fairly confident and supportive but you still have those days when your self-talk holds back your true greatness.
- Extremely confident and helpful. You have learnt to become your own best friend and weed out your limiting thoughts from the empowering ones.
COMMENTS: If you are like most people, you say things to yourself you would not tolerate coming from another person. Negative self-talk scares us out of taking positive risk so we can afford failure. Here’s how you can begin to build positive, self-empowering inner dialogues. First, recognise your negative self-talk. Next, interrupt the pattern; tell yourself “Erase that. Here’s what I really mean!” The last step is to give yourself a positive instruction like, “I can do this. I am up to the task” or “let’s try it on for size.” The more you can replace your negative self-talk with positive ones; the more your self-esteem and self-confidence will grow.
6. How do you often react to what other people say about you?
- You take things personally, and if you think someone is saying something negative about you, you take it too much to heart.
- You get defensive and often respond with an equal, if not greater, negative reaction to them.
- You value what others have to say about you, but honestly, you know who you were, and other people’s opinions have no bearing on your self-worth.
COMMENTS: When you put more weight on your judgement than on others, it is easier to keep other people’s words in perspective without becoming defensive. Your strong sense of self-worth allows you to maintain your power and still hear what others have to say without feeling bad about yourself.