Song of Solomon 3:4 – “I have found the one whom my soul loves.”
Before the advent of the internet and social media, people rarely commenced a romantic relationship with individuals they had not physically met. This, however, excluded traditional marriages arranged by families and tribes in Africa. Meeting people online is fraught with its hazards, and one cannot overemphasise the need for caution when engaging with people we have never met outside cyberspace. Nevertheless, I have seen people start innocuous relationships via social media. While many of such relationships fail to see the light of the day, others have blossomed into marriage.
This article is not a substitute for praying to God for a godly wife and seeking God’s wisdom and discernment in making a choice for a soulmate. It only appreciates the fact that in our world of today, many of us spend more time in cyberspace than in physical locations, like a Bible-based church which should be an excellent location for a wife search. Furthermore, many Christian men are shy and lack the required skills to woo the woman of their dreams in the right way. Christian women, indeed like any other women, want to sense affection, affirmation, attention, commitment, loyalty, and security.
Men have often imagined that cyberspace makes wooing a woman much easier, but the truth is that the lapses in dating skills in the physical realm will eventually manifest online and determine whether the man will ever have a chance of dating and finally getting married to the girl.
The following 9 tips should assist men in wooing their soulmates online:
#1. Get to Know Her: Dating is all about getting to know the other person better. If you are interested in a lady, take out time to find out as much as possible about her online. Literally stalk her online! Don’t just start with the predictable “tell me about yourself.” I hate that line. Who has time to be writing a CV every time a new guy approaches her? Social media has made investigating anyone comfortable. If you don’t know her social media identity, Google her name. It’s not only celebrities that are on social media, please. If you don’t believe me, Google your name right now, and you will be amazed at the list of information it provides about you. Once you find your dream girl online on any of the social media platforms, spend the time to understudy her online without her knowledge. Evaluate how she responds to people’s comment, the kind of posts she shares, who her friends on these platforms are, etc. In fact, stalk her friends too, as they will help you to know her more through their posts too. You should be able to get to know her in a day or two if you have time. It is akin to group dating where you can evaluate anyone from a safe distance without any commitments.
# 2. Engage Her Online: Once you are satisfied with your discoveries about her and you feel that she has the kind of character and godly attributes you seek in a wife, begin to engage her on these social platforms by participating in her posts and dropping comments now and then. Do not send her any direct messages at this point. Rather wait for her to acknowledge your comments by her liking your comment or giving you feedback. This may take time. Some ladies get similar attentions from many men and may not immediately notice you. While you are at it, work on your social media accounts too and place value on yourself. As a child of God, I do not expect that you would have been engaging in lewd, unprofitable discourses online. Well, if you have; it’s time to repent and take down dumb posts and comments. The first impression they say matters. The truth is, while the lady you are interested in may ignore your posts on the page, she may be checking out your social media accounts. We stalk brothers online too. If what she sees interests her, she would respond with so much joy sef, you’d be awed.
# 3. Avoid Overused Lines: Your first direct message will go a long way to determining if you and your dream soul mate will ever bond or date. Avoid Hi, Sup, Wassup, Can I meet you, Hey Girl, Hello pretty, Good morning, Hey and all those stereotype modes of introduction which have become boring. Try another approach like the following:
“Your writing skill is impressive. I sometimes freelance too. Can we do a collabo?”
“I admire your entrepreneur spirit. It is unique. Could you share what makes you tick?”
“I know a friend who also works at your office. You guys are so industrious.”
“Never knew you are a student of OAU. My sister graduated from there too, or my sister is a student too.”
“I have a friend that could help you design a logo for your brand; you would love it.”
“You share the same date with my mum.”
Okay, while this may not move a lady or may sound too forward, you may do some special greetings before throwing in these lines. But shy away from that regular one-word introduction. And please do not lie. She will remember. No lady wants to be caught dating a guy who lies.
#4. Evaluate Her Response: Before a lady replies you, she would most probably have gone through your profile. Even if she has looked at your profile before, she will now scrutinise it. If she doesn’t like you, she’d never reply, or she would answer in the most sarcastic way ever. If she politely responds to you; congratulations! You are on your way to level 5. If she doesn’t, please free her and try again later. She may have just started a relationship or not in the mood for such chats then. If you try again and she still doesn’t respond, let her go. She is not interested. Move to your next crush. If she responds, then let’s proceed.
#5. Spice Up the Conversation: Make her comfortable with you. Talk to her. Let her share conversation with you. Please listen first before sharing all your life problems with her. Ladies love to talk. Be ready to listen and take note. The day she realises you forgot a vital information she shared with you, may mark the end of your new budding friendship Listen to her and try and ask her questions. Just because I advise that you should listen to her doesn’t mean you should play dumb. Be free with her. Ask her how her day goes and joke about it too. Talk. Listen. Laugh.
#6. Readily Provide Your Phone Number Once She Request for It: Well, not every lady will ask for your number. But some will want to chat more on WhatsApp or more flexible chatting apps that will require phone numbers. So be happy when she asks. And if she doesn’t ask for your number, politely ask for hers. If she agrees to gives you her number or BBM pin … oh dear, you are close to the goldmine!
#7. Play the Lover: Now you have all you want. She’s your friend, gist partner and whatever bond partner you guys have created. Now play the boyfriend role. You don’t have to be one to act like one. Call her. Be the first person she speaks to every day and last. Be her best friend. Mind you; relationship never enter here o.
#8. Go Out on a Date. Ask her out on a date. Going out a date doesn’t mean that both of you are already dating o or romantically involved. Don’t attempt to misconstrue it, please. Going out on a date just means that you want to go beyond the walls of the phone and meet your e-friend over a plate of food and some drinks. Don’t try to pop up the dating question there except she brings it up and be very clever with your answer. Be courteous, gentlemanly and be yourself. Let her have an insight of who you are. If you like, go there and be forming.
#9. Respond Affirmatively to Her Golden Question. Ah, we ladies don’t joke with that question. You have played your cards well, and everything is going well. But you both are yet to get to that, “I love you” levels as everyone is taking their time to be certain. The day a lady is confident she’s cool with you and you are yet to ask, she’d ask. While it’s not all girls that will ask questions, most will.
“So, what are we now? Are we dating?”
Yeah, now you can have a big smile and answer the question!
So over to you, ladies and gents, which part did I miss? What difficulty do you think may arise in between all these? Let’s discuss in the comment section.