This missive has a joyful ending. So, I request that you do not panic. I am writing from a man’s perspective. Please bear with me for I have never been a woman.
Being brokenhearted is not a good place to be. You don’t wish it on anyone. But there comes a time it happens to you, me, the best and brightest, high flyers, genius, and plebeians. All in all, it is one of those life issues. Well, it better happens when you are young, full of energy and can bounce back. A man is supposed to bear the burden of his life in the days of his youth. The earlier, the better. No be laughing matter.
So, we start with love. Love is flying without wings. Love is indescribable and inexplicable. It leaves us eager to express what is in our heart and communicate our feelings to the loved. We want to tell them how much we truly love them, yet we often cannot find the right words. In the famous words of Dr. Seuss “You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams”.
I think this quote is my all-time favourite. It has stayed with me for decades because of the wit and insight.
“To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia – to mistake an ordinary young woman for a goddess” – H. L. Mencken.
When you are in love, the songs of Celine Dion and those of Westlife comes easily to you. They make sense. You sing yourself to sleep and wake up singing. You bore your friends with tales of foolish nothings about your relationship that makes no sense to them but since you are drunk with love, you have no idea you are boring them.
And then it happens. She says “No”. Gbam!!!! The reason sometimes makes sense. Some don’t. It could be compatibility, genotype, ethnic issues etc. But for whatsoever reason, you are now alone. Your wings are gone and you are back to earth. You land like a brick. You are in shock, denial, and awe. A heartbreak is having the pleasure of having your heart shredded by another person. It should be a once in a lifetime pleasure.
Maybe the heart was made to be broken. I don’t know. But it seems the best of life seems to come after a heartbreak. Jesus got us back to the Father after the Father’s heart was broken by the sins of the world. I heard Frank Sinatra wrote his best songs after a heartbreak. I can’t say because I was not there. Maybe it is true. Oh! now I remember. Adele said, “Someone Like You” was after such an episode and you know …
A heartbreak seems to be a “point of inflection” — a phrase made famous by Andrew Grove, former CEO of Intels and the author of “Only the Paranoid Survive.” A point of inflection is a time/point when the fundamentals are about to change. That change can mean an opportunity to rise to new heights. But it may just as likely signal the beginning of the end. A good example is when the internet became a force to reckon with. It was a point of inflection. It changed the way we conduct businesses, shop and do other things. You either adapt to it and grow or be doomed.
A heartbreak is a point in your life when all that you seem to know to be true seems not to be so true. It gives you the opportunity to reset the baseline and find a way to metamorphose or wallow in despair. ‘Nuff said.
What brought me to this point? Well some weeks ago, I was with a dear friend and his wife. We were reminiscing about life and the goodness of God towards us. I don’t know how the conversion veered to talking about heartbreaks. But we all got talking. He narrated his post-heart break story. He said that it happened just before he wrote a major exam and he came out of the exam hall not remembering how he answered the questions because he could not even recall the questions.
My guy said his life was disintegrating before his eyes. He went on to say that it was the next year when he was preparing to re-write the exams, in which he passed this time, that he was seeing the questions of the last exams he took and it seems to him that he was seeing them for the first time. According to him, “So this question was in the exams, how come I did not see it.” We all had a hearty laugh. I told him that a mutual friend got across to me to ensure that I keep an eye on my guy because he was shattered. Again, we roared in laughter.
And then I shared my experience. I told him about my Greek goddess. Someone I thought this was it. Dr. Ben Carson said Candy was his first and only relationship and for me, this was my Candy. It was going to be the first and only. But life had other plans. She said no; out of the blues. Na so I dey dier o. Unfortunately, we were separated by distance and we could not get to see for me to even ask, “Baby, kilode?” The waiting was tormenting. This was my night of the broken glass. No phones. No communication. No damage control. Guess what? It was a couple of days to an important exam. Boy! For the first time in my life, I realized why people fail exams. Lack of preparation for whatsoever reasons.
I was hit hard but I never knew the extent until a friend stopped me one day and started praying for me right in front of the gate of a public institution with waves of people flocking in and out. Both of us did not care. I was lost in deep thoughts. He was lost in deep concern for me. That night I went to pray and I told God these words, “Dear Lord, if you do not save me now, nobody will or can”. Those words came from the depth of my soul. I was in a place that I have never been but I knew I had to come out of it ASAP. Hey! The issues of life (my exams) were waiting to be dealt with and there was no time for drama. Fortunately, God heard my heart cry and I was able to get out of where I was. I became a poet (I wrote tons and I still have my compilation) and a philosopher at an early age. Hahahahaha. Again, my friend and his wife roared in thunderous laughter.
Then we talked about the post effects of heartbreaks and we all came to the conclusion that heartbreaks, though a nuisance when it occurs has its great value. It “tames” a man. It makes the man listen and be more perceptive. In my opinion, heartbreaks make you mortal.
All your gra gra go come down.
You go mellow. Nobody go tell you.
You will advise yourself.
You will realise that after all I am human.
After the drama and when all have died down, you will realise that you become a more thoughtful and tender-hearted person. (Ok this was my experience). It makes you think in more rounded forms and not just live the mono-perspective life. You easily make excuses for people and can easily move on.
Now you know why heartbreak songs are popular. Think of Adele’s “Someone Like You” or WestLife’s “Fool Again.” I am sure trailer jam somebody and they had to reflect and came out with those precious tunes.
The joyful ending here is that you can re-start again. Learn from your mistakes. Believe me, you had a part to play in the outcome. But please make sure the heartbreak is a once in a lifetime occasion. If it is more than once, then I don’t have an advice for that.
Mucho gracias for reading. Hasta la vista